Dear Non-Pregnant Person,

Disclaimer: I totally swiped this from one of my pregnancy boards. While not all necessarily apply to my life, numbers 1 - 6 most certainly do! :)

Dear Non-Pregnant Person,

I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me, then you should probably read this twice.

1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an a$$.

2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father, and nobody else. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase "my baby".

3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.

4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5) Likewise, no women wants to hear comments on her weight - ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is "You look fabulous!"

6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.

7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.

8) Like everything else is life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Sincerely,

Pregnant woman

Growing Baby Human - Week 14

The past week has been so hectic! My husband began his new job as a long-haul driver and has already been all over the west coast, taunting me with pictures of beautiful, sunny skies and lush, green landscapes (not to mention the taco stands in California). I miss him terribly and I know he misses me, but we also both know that this is a sacrifice we must both make to help our dreams come true.

For those of you unaware, I suffered from multiple pulmonary emboli in February 2001. I never received a concrete reason as to WHY it happened, as I was an otherwise healthy 22-year-old woman. I have been free of any reoccurence over the past nine years, but being pregnant can change everything. At my first OB appointment, I was referred to a hematologist who ran a load of bloodtests to screen me for just about everything. I got the results of those tests yesterday and was hit the news... I suffer from a protein-S deficiency, a genetic mutation of the MTHFR gene, and lupus anti-coagulation - a triple whammy, so to speak.

So, I began my lovenox blood thinner injections last night. I knew that it was possible that I would have to give them to myself, but I honestly thought my husband would be here to give them to me. I've never taken to injections well. TB tests throw me into a vomit-inducing tailspin and forget about vaccinations. I am proud to say that this isn't nearly as bad as I feared. The first one was rough, but I've learned to let the alchol dry on my skin before I stick the needle in (oh, the burn otherwise!). It's not something I'm particularly thrilled about, but I'll do whatever it takes to ensure that I have a healthy baby at the end of this ordeal.

I pray hard every night - for the safety of my husband, the health of my family and unborn baby, for the wellness of everyone I know. My family has been a great source of strength and encouragement, as have my good friends. I appreciate and love you all.

So Many Emotions...

There have been a lot of changes in the Human household over the past 14 months. None of those changes have been as big or lifechanging as the one we were so pleasantly surprised with on November 30th...

The day actually started out quite sadly. We had learned on the day after Thanksgiving that my father-in-law had been diagnosed with stage 4 terminal lung or liver cancer. We decided to take dinner to my in-laws to talk and spend some time together. We had a really beautiful night with them, with a big heartfelt talk. It was overwhelming, really, but SO desperately needed. My husband's relationship with his mom and stepdad had been strained for several months. We were all just saddened that it took such a tragic event to bring us all together again.

During dinner, I wanted to break my suspected news to them, but knew that I couldn't until we were sure. Hope doesn't come easily when you're faced with certain death and we couldn't bear to break their hearts again.

Once we returned home, I ran to the bathroom with the bag from the pharmacy in tow. Peed in a cup, dipped the test stick... and almost immediately, we got a big fat "PREGNANT" result. I only remember screaming "Oh My God!" in a fit of sheer joy. I begged my husband to read the test to me, to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. In hindsight, I wish I could have been more creative or calm about telling him. Instead, I hugged him as tightly as I could and cried tears of happiness. I immediately regretted not having taken the test before we went to dinner.

To tell my son, I made a tshirt for him that reads "I'm Going to be a BIG Brother!" and a card. He opened the card and read it several times. His little jaw dropped and he asked me what it meant. "Who's going to be a big brother, Mom? Me???". I nearly bawled my eyes out as I nodded my head to confirm that he was finally getting the present he'd been asking Santa for over the past three years... he was getting a little brother or sister!

We're just six weeks pregnant today. I know that it's early and I pray hard day and night to make sure little one sticks with us. I used to be superstitious about revealing such news so early on, but I know we can use all the prayers we can get to help us make sure this pregnancy is healthy and successful. I had a really rough time when I was pregnant with my son, which makes me nervous about this one. But I've also found a faith in God that I never had before. I've stopped questioning the path that I'm on and have realized that He truly knows what we need and never gives us more than we can handle.

My husband has already started to show his saint-like qualities. My mood is swinging all over the place. I laugh, then cry, then laugh, then pout, then cry... it's a vicious circle. He's taking wonderful care of me and talks to our little one while we lay in bed. I can't wait until he's able to talk to him/her in person... August 4th is our estimated due date. I'm anxiously awaiting our first prenatal appointment on January 4th. In the meantime, I'm taking it easy and enjoying every moment with this little one... nausea, soreness, fatigue and all... In fact, nothing could make me happier!